Winter Games

There are many many fun things to do this winter, bellow you will find a list of some fun indoor and outdoor activities to enjoy with your children.

INDOOR FUN

- Museums

On those days when the weather is just too cold, head over to your local museum. Children of any age will have a wonderful time at the museum, the classic exhibitions that are always a favourite are the dinosaur and the natural world. Many museums have a special children's area where they can have a more hands on experience. To find all the museums in your area visit the Canadian Museum Association and search their directory.

- Public Library

A fun place to spend time all year around. The libraries provide parents with numerous resources from story time, videos, DVDs, play groups, reading clubs and an extensive selection of books in a number of different languages. Visit your local library today and discover all that they have to offer.

- Art Gallery

Introduce your child to the wonderful world of art by visiting a provincial art museum or even your local art gallery. Many galleries will have special exhibits featuring many of the great artists as well as new artists and art forms from around the world. Always a great place to give your child an art history lesson. You can also see if the art gallery has special classes or areas for children. Be inspired and see if you can encourage your child to draw like Picasso or Seurat, the great pointillist painter.

OUTDOOR FUN

- Maple Syrup Farm

I don't think you will have to twist any arms to get your child to go to a maple syrup farm. There are many fun things to see and do at any of the great farms across most of Canada, there are also great festivals happening in the month of March. Enjoy and remember to bring back some fresh maple syrup.

- Snow Fun

As the saying goes, "if you can't beat them, join them". With all the snow that has fallen, don't think of it as a nuisance instead go outside and have fun with it. The one thing that every child should do is build the best snowman/snowwoman with all the trimmings. Look around for an old shirt, hat, mittens, scarf and anything else your child would like to put on it and have fun. The possibilities are endless, let them be creative with how they would like their snowman to look.

Another great activity is snow painting, get some empty spray bottles and fill them up with water and food coloring and let your budding artist go wild. You might want to avoid red and yellow colours for obvious reasons.

- Winter Picnic

Why not? Pack some yummy warm food like soup and hot chocolate and head out for a picnic at your local park or backyard. Dress warmly and bring a blanket.

- A hayride

Go on a hayride and take in all the sounds and smells of winter. Without a doubt you will come back feeling refreshed.

- The Classics

There will always be something special about going skiing, skating and tobogganing. It is never too early to introduce these classic winter sports to your little ones. Pick one or all three and have a great time.

This winter have fun both infoors and out!

Maximum Security: Pacifiers, Security Blankets and Favourite Toy

Many parents struggle with determining when the correct time is to take away their child's pacifier or security object. Certainly we encountered this issue with our daughter and by what the article bellow says, it is not necessary for parents to worry too much.

Pacifiers and Security Blankets
Pediatrics for Parents, March, 2005 by Michael K. Meyerhoff

Many years ago, while my sister was recovering from surgery, I moved in with her family for a couple of weeks so I could look after her young children. One day, after dropping off the two boys at their preschool, I took the 18-month-old girl for a ride around town.

Once we finished errands we drove over to the local library where they had a "Moms and Tots Drop-In Center." I placed little Anna on the floor and watched as she quickly became engrossed in the many toys they had available. I then sat down in a comfortable chair and began perusing the parenting books and magazines displayed on a nearby table.

A few minutes later, the woman supervising the program, whose picture could have been placed next to the definition of "grandmother" in the dictionary, walked over to Anna, yanked the pacifier out of her mouth, and said, "You tell your Daddy that you don't need this anymore!" She turned to me, shoved the pacifier into my hand, and gave me a look that was filled with as much disgust and disdain as her soft, round face could muster.

I resisted the urge to tell her that if she ever again laid a hand on the child without permission, she would be pulling back a bloody stump. Instead, I calmly placed the pacifier back in Anna's mouth and explained, "She might not need it any more, but her mother does."

This story illustrates the two key concerns parents have about their child's use of a pacifier, security blanket, or other such item. At what age does the child's attachment to the object become inappropriate? And why does the child become attached to the object in the first place?

Let's start with the second question. The answer is simple. Pacifiers, security blankets, and other such items are stress reducers. It feels good to suck on the rubber nipple, to rub the soft material across one's cheek, etc., and that good feeling has a wonderfully calming effect. Of course, that spawns a side question. Why does a young child need a stress reducer?

The fact of the matter is that we all need stress reducers in our lives. We tend to think of stress in terms of major problems, such as being under a tight deadline at work, going through a messy divorce, being diagnosed with a serious illness, etc. But life is filled with all sorts of small stress-inducing events and requirements that add up over the course of the day.

Consequently, we all find ways to soothe ourselves. We may find a quiet place to meditate, go for a workout at the gym, imbibe a martini, sneak outside for a cigarette, or pay a visit to our therapist. And at the end of the day, when we need to relax so we can fall asleep, we may watch an entertaining television show, read an interesting book, or spend quality time with our significant other.

Although we tend to envy young children for their "worry-free" lives, that envy may be misplaced. When you are small, the world can be rather intimidating. And when your physical and mental abilities are not fully developed, it is hard to deal with all the easy-for-adults challenges that you are faced with on a daily basis. As a result, while young children don't have to worry about appeasing the boss or paying the mortgage, they do suffer their fair share of stress.

However, their options for reducing stress are not particularly numerous. Since the aforementioned outlets are not available to them, they are relegated to sucking on a pacifier, rubbing a blanket across their cheeks, hugging a stuffed animal, or perhaps engaging in masturbation.

Which brings us to the issue of appropriateness. Not all outlets are considered appropriate, and some can even be unhealthy in the long run. For example, there is no doubt that alcohol and tobacco do the stress-reducing trick, but they also can cause a lot of collateral damage. And public sexual activity, whether masturbatory or participatory, tends to be frowned upon.

While pediatric dentists may have concerns about excessive thumb or pacifier sucking, most of the outlets chosen by young children tend to be reasonably harmless. But are they appropriate? I think most parents and bystanders are alarmed and/or embarrassed by a little one rubbing private parts in public. However, when it comes to pacifiers and security blankets, I don't think there are any universal standards, and the tolerance levels of individuals can vary widely.

Most mothers and fathers tend to be pretty tolerant. particularly if they are busy and stressed themselves. It is much easier to put up with the pacifier or security blanket than to deal with a stressed-out kid. Usually, parents become inclined to do something only when the disgusted gazes and disdainful comments of relatives, friends, and perfect strangers become impossible to avoid and start to make them doubt their performance as parents.

Regrettably, this often results in quick and drastic action involving criticism of the child and/or forced removal of the pacifier or security blanket. The child's attachment to the item then becomes a major "issue" and the source of continuous power struggles. This is not simply unpleasant, it is also unproductive as it generates considerably more stress for everyone.

Therefore, while it may be difficult to put up with the withering stares and searing statements, it is wise for parents to relax and be patient. Of course, they should consider taking steps to help reduce their child's stress levels themselves. Instead of working overtime to ensure that college tuition money will be in the bank, perhaps a little more time with their little one at this time might be a better investment. And instead of spending hours on the Internet planning a future family vacation, perhaps giving the little one a little more immediate attention might be more beneficial.

But parents can not and should not expect that they will be able to eliminate their child's stress entirely. What they can and should do is wait for the child to reach developmental levels where other stress-reducing alternatives become possible, and then encourage the child to pursue those. Keep in mind that things as simple as acknowledging your feelings and talking about them, getting some exercise by riding your bike around the block, reading a fascinating story, or even creating a delightful daydream, is largely beyond the capacity of a two or three-year-old.

Now once these outlets do become developmentally available, there is no guarantee a child will take advantage of them. And some kids remain steadfastly addicted to "infantile" activities throughout the preschool years. Again, this may be difficult to endure, but being too forceful typically does nothing more than make matters worse. So again, parents need to be a bit more patient and wait for another round of developmental progress.

Preschoolers are extremely egocentric. They are largely oblivious to and unconcerned about the attitudes and opinions of their peers. As they emerge from this period, things change, and they become aware of and sensitive to what other kids are thinking and saying about them. Therefore, at this point, attachment to their pacifier or security blanket may no longer be quite so attractive as it now generates more stress than it reduces. Consequently, they become considerably more inspired and inclined to seek out mid accept other more socially acceptable alternatives.

Listening to the tongue-clucking of your mother-in-law may be annoying at best and possibly despair and self-doubt-inducing at worst. On the other hand, noticing that there are no kids sucking pacifiers on the elementary school bus and that security blankets are rarely seen at sleep overs or summer camp should give you the courage and confidence to go easy on your child and yourself and let your child's development solve the problem in proper fashion and in due time.

Michael K. Meyerhoff, Ed.D., is executive director of The Epicenter Inc., "The Education for Parenthood Information Center," a family advisory and advocacy agency located in Lindenhurst, Illinois. His e-mail address is epicntrinc@aol.com.

The Best Forms of Praise

This short article written by parenting educator and coach Michael Grose is about the three types of praise that have the most positive impact on children's behaviour and self-esteem.

Child Praising: Praise With Impact
By Michael Grose

Praising and encouraging kids can be difficult for many people. It just doesn't come naturally. They are hard-wired for criticism rather than praise.

Some children, particularly boys, feel awkward receiving praise unless it is done carefully. It can be misconstrued as being manipulative and not genuine, particularly when it is simply a throw-away line. Praise can become meaningless for some kids unless it is done with a little thought and care.

There are three types of praise that have positive impact on children's (as well as adults') behavior and self-esteem.

1. Descriptive praise

Throw a spotlight on the behaviors that kids do well. Rather than a trite 'well done' draw a word picture of what they did well and let them know its impact. Tell them what you see and how you feel. "Wow. You have tidied the room really well and put everything back where it should be. It's a pleasure to come into the living room." Such comments genuinely made become stored in their bank of skills and builds up their confidence.

Private praise is more effective than public praise for boys as they can become embarrassed being praised in front of their friends or relatives.

Use for: keeping house rules, changing poor behavior (when combined with ignoring some of their poor behavior)

2. Summary praise

Give your child a positive label to live up to by summing up their positive behaviors with one word. "You really worked hard to finish your project. That's what I call persistence." "You cleaned up the kitchen without being told. You are a self-starter." Persistence and self-starter become part of your children's ICRS (Internal Character Reference System).

Use for: kids who lack confidence, kids of all ages but particularly those under 10 as they really use parents as reference points

3. Self-praise

Praise is always bit more powerful when it comes from yourself so allow children to brag a little. "I did that well.", "I am really pleased with the way I did that.", "I did the best I could.", "I love the art I did at school today." Teaching kids to self-praise can be a little tricky but you can start by asking them how they feel about their efforts. When you use descriptive feedback you actually show kids how to self-praise.

Some kids need to be cued regarding self-praise -"Are you pleased with yourself because you tried your best in the game?" Encourage them to say they are pleased with themselves rather than just agree with you. This gets them in the habit of self-praise.

Use for: kids who always want your reassurance, use for children's efforts rather than behavior

There are plenty of people in your child's life who are critical of them – including their peers and maybe siblings. It is a parent's job to tell kids what is right about them, so spend a little time telling kids what you see and feel when they do something well. Make up positive labels that they can add to their Internal Character Reference Systems and encourage them to brag a little when they have done something well.

Michael Grose is a popular parenting educator and parent coach. He is the director of Parentingideas, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. For free courses and resources to help you raise happy kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au